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Forgiveness is an essential part of any healthy relationship. It allows couples to move forward and rebuild trust. However, sometimes forgiveness isn’t as genuine as it may seem.
If you suspect that your partner may not have truly forgiven you, here are five signs to look out for:
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1. They Keep Bringing Up a Past Problem
While discussing past issues can be a part of the healing process, constantly bringing up a previous problem may indicate that forgiveness has not been fully granted.
According to David Tzall, a licensed psychologist, when an issue continues to resurface, it suggests that your partner is still haunted by it and hasn’t truly let go of the anger and hurt.
This doesn’t mean forgiveness is impossible, but it may require more time and open communication to move forward without circling back to the same issue.
2. They’re Acting in Passive-Aggressive Ways
Passive-aggressive behavior is another sign that your partner may not have forgiven you. You may notice an increase in snide comments or excessive criticism, which hides their true feelings behind sarcasm.
Even if your partner verbally claims to have forgiven you, this behavior can reveal their unresolved resentment.
Insults disguised as humor or the use of phrases like “Lighten up, I’m only joking” may indicate that forgiveness has not been genuinely granted.
3. They’re Displaying Defensive Behavior
Defensiveness is a common response when someone feels challenged about their forgiveness. If you express doubt about their forgiveness, your partner may become defensive.
Gigi Engle, an intimacy expert, explains that confronting the idea that their forgiveness may not be as genuine as they thought can be difficult.
Defensiveness may also manifest in future arguments, where your partner brings up past conflicts to justify their behavior.
This defensive behavior suggests that forgiveness may not have been fully given.
4. They’re Giving You the Cold Shoulder
On the other hand, your partner may skip defensiveness altogether and resort to giving you the cold shoulder.
They may choose silence or distance themselves emotionally. Jennifer Kelman, a therapist, explains that if communication becomes difficult in the relationship, your partner may claim to have forgiven you just to move on.
However, if feelings aren’t addressed in a healthy manner, anger and resentment can linger beneath the surface.
5. They’re Avoiding Intimacy
Avoiding intimacy, both emotional and physical, can be a sign that forgiveness has not been genuinely granted.
Tzall warns that intimacy requires vulnerability and trust. If your partner is still holding onto hurt from the past, they may be hesitant to let their guard down and risk being hurt again.
Therefore, if you notice a lack of intimacy in your relationship, it may indicate that forgiveness has not been fully given.
It’s important to remember that forgiveness is a process that takes time and effort from both partners.
If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it’s crucial to have open and honest communication. Seek professional help if necessary to address any unresolved issues and work towards true forgiveness and healing.
In conclusion, forgiveness is not just about words; it is about genuine emotional healing and growth. Pay attention to these signs to ensure that forgiveness in your relationship is authentic and allows both partners to move forward in a healthy and fulfilling way.
